I manage to jump from the Wastelands of Siberia onto your ship, although I broke a wrist, a rib and my nose. I then use my legs to drop kick you.

ICOTS.

You then find out that that was a dummy, on a fake ship. It hits an iceberg and sinks, with you on it. While the ship is sinking, a cannonball falls you your legs, breaking them, and a cannonball drops on your other wrist, breaking it. You are unable to escape the sinking ship, and go to the depths, where you are never reborn. Ever. Only a fool would think to sail out of Sibera!

I teleport to the Caribbean, and launch a ship from Tortuga.

ICOTS

I'm at World's End, where I find a nifty ship by the name of the Black Pearl.

ICOTS.

Very well, your Captain of a ship in Davy Jones's Locker! But me, I be the Captain of a ship in the real world!

ICOTS

I, however, am picked up by Cap'n Jack Sparrow, who leads me back to the real world. I then boot him off his/my ship.

ICOTS.

Ok. I'm still captain of my own ship.

ICOTS.

I then find you and shoot you with a cannon. It hits, and you are KO'd. I take your ship too.

I'm Captain of two ships!

no.

ICOTS.

burned.

I then take my burn and wipe it on your ship.

Burned.

ICOTS.

I burn you alive.

Burned. Literally.

ICOTS

Burnt to a crisp, I fall back into the ocean, which makes the pain lessen. I then climb up the railings and stab you. I leave you on a deserted island with only a pistol with one shot. I then run away with your ship.

And no, the Island is not Rumrunner's Island.

ICOTS.

Darn it!

I shoot you from afar while on the island, as the pistol you gave me has magical accuracy. I watch you fall into the ocean, where you are eaten by sharks. I build a raft, row to the ship, and sail away into the sunset with it.

ICOTS

The sunset is actually a blinding light I managed to create. I take over your ship while your distracted and make the crew make me captain.

My first decree: Davy Fireskull and any affiliates of his are to thrown into the local brig!

ICOTS.

The brig's bars are made of cardboard. I rip them apart, and stab you and your affiliates. My crew and I sail away into a REAL sunset

ICOTS.

My crew happened to grab aztec gold, and were undead. They ran on the ocean floor and climbed up your ship. They kill you, burn the corpse and leave you for the crows to eat on a small island no bigger than a rowboat. They then revive me in an ancient voodoo ceremony.

ICOTS.