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And then he notices the other weapon, an oar, on his left.
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He splinters the oar and threatens to infect the Kraken.
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Threatened with a minor cut followed by major infection, the kraken backs off, but threatens to come back with a vengeance.
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Jack poses as a sign of his victory.
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In the background, a very subtle POTC song plays.
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Jack turns around to see a boatload of travelling bards, all of them armed to the teeth.
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Cap'n Jack says the one word that springs to mind, "Parley?"
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The bards are from a foreign land where "parley" is a synonym for "yes, please kill me."
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As the bards jump over to Sparrow's dinghy, Jack does the one thing that he thinks can save him!
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He gives the nearest bard a big fat hug.
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The bard looks at Jack and says something unintelligible, but roughly translates to, "Who in the world is this man?"
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Jack Sparrow then dismissed himself to get some rum.
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The bards, seeing Sparrow rummage through the rum supply, begin to formulate plans to do away with him.
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They decided to steal his rum.
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Sparrow immediately draws his cutlass, and jumps into battle against the bards.
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The bards having an advantage knock out Jack and stole his rum.
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But the bards soon realize that they stole their own rum, so they have to give the rum to Jack before they can steal it.
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With this ultimately confusing logic behind them, the bards begin to sing a ditty.
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Then one of the bard falls into kraken infested waters ....
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The bards begin running around in circles, screaming and going crazy.
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Jack then serectly gets away.
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Using the bards spare dinghy.
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The kraken follows jack to an tiny island. ( room for only one person )
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A boat crashes onto the island, and the island sinks while Jack swims away.
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Only to find another island with the kraken waiting for him.
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The kraken throws him across the world and he lands on Tortuga.
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There he runs into Jolly Roger.
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Jolly uses Grave Shackles on Jack and begins to charge up a deadly thunder attack.
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He unleashes it, but it lands right next to Jack as the grave shackles wear off.
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Jack runs away, cackling.
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He then does a faceplant into a wall.
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Dazed, Jack backs off the wooden embankment and runs into a messy pigpen in hopes to lose Jolly.
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A pig then sits on his head.
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Being a particular fan of dirt, Jack camouflages perfectly with the muddy hogs.
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Then he gets hungry.
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He eats chunky slop from a nearby troft.
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He then hurls back up into the trough.
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Th nearby pigs begin to eat the upchuck, and Jack makes a funny quip.
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The pigs start to attack Jack.
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Cap'n Jack beats them off with a bucket of gruel.
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The pigs then eat the gruel.
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Jack makes his escape while the pigs are occupied with their dinner.
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He does another facedigger into the wall.
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Jack gives up and lies there in the dirt, drinking from the rum bottle stored in his coat.
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Davy Jones steps on him, but doesn't realize and keeps going on his way.
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Jack watches as Roger walks away, before screaming due to the pain of being stepped on.
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He then goes back to drinking rum.
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A powder kegger comes up to Jack and lites the fuse to his barrel.
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A female pirate comes up to Sparrow and knocks the bottle out of his hand.
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He pulls another one out of his coat and drinks.
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The young lass takes the bottle out of his hand, as well as his coat, boots, and hat.
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He pulls one out of his pocket and drinks.
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The girl sews his pockets shut.
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He continues to drink out of the bottle he has in his hand.
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The pirate shoots the bottle with her blunderbuss, and shoves the business end of it into Jack's face.
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He disarms her and grabs a bottle from his pants leg, drinking resumes.
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The female stomps on the bottle, and then precedes to stomp his fingers 'til they break.
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He uses his teeth to grab another bottle out of his pants leg and he drinks, holding the bottle in his mouth.
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The lass lifts Jack off his feet, and punches him square in the stomach.
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He pukes all over her, then resumes drinking.
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Finally, the girl buccaneer runs off, shouting, "You could help with stopping Jolly!"
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He continues drinking.
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Jack fills bad about leaving the girl and her pirates pals to Jolly's mercy.
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He drowns his sorrows in rum.
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He finally gets off his rear and heads over to help the doomed pirates.
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He falls down drunk, and continues drinking.
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He passes out due to a rum induced coma.
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He awakes, and decides to go find a great white whale.
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Unfortunately, there seems to be a shortage in the Caribe.
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So he instead goes in search of a tree.
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There is no shortage on the island of Tortuga, so he finds one within 20 seconds.
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He then sits on his rear and ponders, what to do next?
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That's when the pirate lass from the previous night shows up in front of Sparrow.
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He throws a rum bottle at her and continues pondering.
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He then settles on the idea of heading over to King's Arm, and see if there is any thing to do.
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He finds a computer and stumbles upon POF.
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He stumbles across the forums, seeing all of the different topics available for discussion.
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He drools all over the computer
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He picks a forum to type in at random.
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Andy befriends him and convinces him to become his servant.
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Cap'n Jack then lurks over the activities forum, enjoying games such as the rum one.
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He sees the mods stealing rum, and gets angry.
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He starts a flame war, and gets perma-banned from the forums.
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He creates a new account.
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And continues the flame war, and get's perma-banned once more.
|
He has Gibbs continue the war.
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So, once again in reality, Jack wanders over to the Blackjack table and sits down to play a game or 2.
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He bets 1,000,000.
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Although he currently only possesses 3 gold, a thumbnail, 2 buttons and some lint.
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The dealer tries protests but Jack pulls a gun.
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So, Sparrow draws 2 5's.
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He pulls another gun and the dealer declares him a winner.
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He wallks to the bartender with his newly acquired 2 mil.
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He spends it all on rum.
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As he was acting completely drunk, he meets a strangely familiar looking man.
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The man was... Edward Teach a.k.a Blackbeard!
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Jack shoots him.
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Then chickens invade:newsmi4:
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Then chickens then take blackbeard's sword.
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Captain Andy unknowingly steps on their heads and squashes the invasion.
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