Instead of having them for ransom, the Black Guard eat them.

That was... disturbing.

Joe cries for a whole year and mourns his children's death for even longer.

Joe
 

WOW you guys are mean. joe makes barfing potion, shoves in down the black guards throat, and his kids come out.

One day, he is eating his breakfast, when Susan and Bob fall onto his breakfast plate!

He stares in disbelief for 5 seconds, and then hugs his children, thanking the higher powers the whole time.

He looks at his daughter, Bob, and says to her, "You look good enough to eat sweetheart!"

The children runaway to their mother and complain, and Scarlet is getting ready to have a discussion with Joe.

They start to have a discussion, but they are interrupted when they hear Susan scream.

joe
 

The house is being invaded by jolly roger!!!

Susan was found fighting with an Undead Skeleton, for an invasion had just started.

Susan, the son, and Bob, the daughter, are stolen by Jolly Roger during the invasion!

Joe sprints to Jolly Roger mid-invasion, and challenges him to a duel. The Winner gets to Live, and keep the kiddies.

The battle commences!

Joe
 

Jolly disarms Joe, but then Joe shoots him with a cursed pistol.

If Joe is disarmed, how did he shoot a pistol?

The pistol shot goes straight through Jolly's hat, which makes him furious, so he slices open a gash on Joe's arm.