I would listen to your average singing.
WWYDI I opened a black hole with my superior mind powers, and threw any money you had on you at that moment into it?

i would then throw u into the black hole :D

WWYDI u were eating and a cat walked up to u and took what u were eating and ran away with it! :O

I'd get some more of it from the fridge.

WWYDI I ran up to your pirate and kicked it onto a LVL 50 Thrall Captain boss?

i would kick the thrall captains butt then i would push u into the water

WWYDI the sky started raining rum?

I would dance with joy of course!

WWYDI you suddenly found yourself in my pirate's home dimension, a rift between worlds, which kills all mortals who set eyes on it?

Well I'm not mortal, I'm a Sorceror. I would kick you out of it, and keep it for myself.

WWYDI I ate your favorite weapon?

You'd eat a sword and choke.

WWYDI I stole all your relics?

I would whack you over the head with the hilt of a rusty cutlass and take them back

WWYDI I fed you to the Kraken?

i would take all ur rum with me :D

WWYDI if some one took all the rum in the world and didnt let u have any! :O

I would use a Phantom Spirits II and steal all the rum while he isn't looking.

WWYDI your War Frigate got sunk by a Lv1 Navy Ferret?
( Come on, it's had to have happened before, right? )
Edit: Ironically, this is my 555th post...

Wrong xD. I would swim to the navy ferret, and personally tear the ship apart with my own hands. Then I would eat the crew.

WWYDI you got a lightsaber in the game (I mean the star wars kind. Bzzz Bzzzz)

i be like Ooo look at my new bug zapper haha

WWYDI the bar ran out of rum

You would never see the bartender again.

WWYDI I ate Padres Del Fuego!?

I would laugh at you throwing up lava :P

WWYDI every Treasure Fleet was Lv1, but could sink you in just ONE hit?