Most o' we'uns be havin' been unwilling ter admit all here been real potcoholics. Nay person likes ter reckon him is bodily an' mentally decidedly odd from that 'un fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising what our pirating careers be havin' been characterized by countless vain attempts ter prove all here could pillage an' plunder like other people. Th' idea what somehow, someday him shall control an' enjoy that 'un pillaging an' plundering is th' jolly good obsession o' every abnormal buccaneer. Th' persistence o' this here illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into th' gates o' insanity or grim reaper.
We learned what all here be havin' ter fully concede ter our innermost selves what all here been potcoholics. This here is th' first pace in recovery. Th' delusion what all here be like other people, or presently may be, be havin' ter be smashed!
We potcoholics be ol' salts an' wenches who be havin' lost th' ability ter control our pillaging an' plundering. All here know what nay real potcoholic ever recovers control. All o' we'uns felt at times what all here been regaining control, but such intervals usually brief been inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time ter pitiful an' incomprehensible demoralization. All here be convinced ter a ol' salt what potcoholics o' our sort be in th' grip o' a progressive illness. O'er any considerable period all here fetch worse, ne'er better.
We be like ol' salts who be havin' lost thems' legs; they ne'er grow new ones. Neither do yonder appear ter be any kind o' treatment which shall make potcoholics o' our kind like other ol' salts. All here be havin' tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances yonder be havin' been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Doc Grog be familiar escorting potcoholism aye yonder is nay such object a making a normal pillager out o' a potcoholic. VooDoo may one day accomplish this here, but it hasn't done so yet.
Despite all all here can say, many who be real potcoholics be not going ter believe they be in what class. By every form o' self- deception an' experimentation, they shall essay ter prove themselves exceptions ter th' rule, therefore nonpotcoholic. Arrr! Arrr! If anyone who is showing inability ter control that 'un pillaging can do th' right-about- face an' pillage like a gentleman, our hats be off ter him. Heaven knows, all here be havin' tried hard enough an' long enough ter pillage an' plunder like other people!
Here be some o' th' methods all here be havin' tried: Sinking Navy ships only, limiting th' number o' Level Ups per day, ne'er plundering alone, ne'er pillaging in th' morning, ne'er plundering at home, ne'er pillaging durin' business hours, switching from leveling overhead ter raiding, agreeing ter resign if ever snagged plundering on th' job, taking a voyage, not taking a voyage, swearing off forever (with an' without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going ter health farms an' sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment ter asylums. Aye… all here could increase th' list ad infinitum.
Once more: Th' potcoholic at certain times be havin' nay effective mental defense against th' first pillage. Except in a few cases, neither him nor any other human being can provide such a defense. That 'un defense must be coming from a loss o' electrical power or broke internet connection.
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