[Bartholomew Foulsteel]

Dear Saint Nick,

Ol' Bart has been a very good pirate. Except for the lying thing. That sometimes gets in the way of telling the truth, but other than that I've been fairly mediocre.

I know I has me faults, but being wrong ain't one of 'em. And of all my qualities, it be me humility what makes me worthy of the following presents.

Please, kind Pere Noel, if ye could find it in yer heart (and yer sack), bring Ol' Bart the followin' trinkets:


10--I be needin' General Darkhart to fight me again (he don't fight anymore, the dirty Bilge-rat!)

9--Please bring me some vintage Hex Shot (the more hexxy ones from earlier in the year, savvy?). Daggers shouldn't werk betters on those pesky gypsies!

8--Bein' here in the Caribbean, we be fairly close to the Yucatan Peninsula. Would ye be willing to bring me a Mexican radio? I've already had me fill of barbecued iguana....

7--My closet be a trifle small. Perhaps a wardroom for my Galleon? Maybe ye could just have those mates from MTV Pimp my Ride?

6--RUM, aye?

5--Be ye rememberin' that cute thing on the beach during the Founders' Feast? Her name be Jenny. She asked me to call, but I can't remember her number. I be needin' Jenny's number. Do ye know it or know where I can find it?

4--Look mate--I know the code as originally set forth by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew (that's me, Santy!) and I guarantee there be NOTHING in there about NOT shooting Navy or EITC with my flintlock. How about we keel-haul the rapscallion what screwed up the code for all us honest pirates and get it re-written straight-like, eh?

3--A new pair o' boots. Me previous set seems to be a bit sodden after that last Krewe partee.

2--How about a Rock Lobster? It's wasn't a rock....

1--Whirled Peas!


Thanks much fer yer consideration, mate. And please--no coal in my sock this year and I won't ransack the North Pole. Again.

Deal?

With deepest regards (and sincerest threats of mayhem should ye fail me),

Black Bart