The Noobtasticular Battle
"Anton, wutz does I sayz when we are going to battle n stuff?" George whispered to the super ladybug.
"Uhhh... we're totally dead? I MEAN UHH, PREPARE FOR BATTLE!" Anton said, catching himself.
"Okz ma peepz! Prepare for battle against teh nasal ship!"
"Its
naval you idiot! Not nasal!" Britney said. "What are we going to do?!"
"shut up Britney! Nobodee carez 'bout u!
" George said
"Why I outta---" Britney never finished, because at that moment a cannonball came flying, right in front of his face, almost lighting his stubble on fire. He jumped back with a small cry of fright, and glared at George, then said. "Any ideas O' Genius George?"
George put on his noob thinking face. "Me tinks we shud board dem! k?"
"*hic* short sweet and to the *hic* point!" Brandy said. "I'm gonna get my cut*hic*lass out."
Anton smacked his face. "Why do I even bother... Banana! You grapple them!"
She nodded, and started loading a cannon with hooks. Brandy took a swig of brandy, and then pulled out his sword for boarding. Britney pulled his sword, and for a moment looked like he wanted to stab George, but decided against it.
George pulled out his Lost Sword of El Patron, and then said, "BANANA! DO THE KABOOM THINGEE TO GET TEH ROPE HOOK THING ON DERE SHIP!
"
"...Fire the hook..." Anton said.
"Yes sir!" Banana said, right before a cannonball flew over her. Thank goodness the Barnacle Brig was such a small target, or they would have been toast... toast soggy with seawater that is.
The grapple hook fired and hooked onto the enemy ship. The crew of four, five if you counted the ladybug on George's back, began to board. As they got in close, they could tell that the enemy crew was laughing indeed, and letting them board in fact. The crew of the Brig came onto the ship, and as soon as they looked up, what they saw was a full crew of thirty to forty armed naval (not nasal!) sailors.
"Hi peoplz! My name is George!" George said exuberantly. "Sowwy, but wez haz to kill you guys now. k?"
The Navy crew started laughing. George could have sworn he saw some of their pants dampen up, but he wasn't sure. They couldn't be laughing that hard.
"For the love of God! Just get this over with!" Anton said.
The crew of the Brig charged. Brandy stumbled along, and dropped his cutlass. He took a swig of brandy, and then, right before he got stabbed by a navy sailor, smashed the empty bottle right on his head, sending the sailor crumpling to the floor. Brandy chuckled and then stumbled along, tripping over his tied shoelaces (yes, he fails that bad).
Britney fought viciously, but he wasn't a professional. He took down one Navy Sailor, but more kept coming, and he was soon running for his life.
Banana was beautiful. With her cutlass, she cut and sliced and uttered battle cries. She was terrifying, but she was still mediocre. She too, was overwhelmed and she was soon cornered.
Anton was doing his usual uber awesome ladybug thing. He needed no weapon. He gave a couple good kicks and punches and rams, sending his foes flying around the ship. At one point, he picked up one of the Navy Sailors and threw him off the ship. But still, he was just a little ladybug.
George was off the worst. He could barely swing a sword. Basically, he took The Lost Sword and swung it frantically at his opponent. He got lucky, because his opponent was laughing at him so hard that George was able to give him a few good stabs. George could have sworn that even when he was coughing up blood, he was laughing still.
After that, George turned around, and found himself face to face with another Sailor. This one wore a funny little hat on his head. It made him look important. Georges slow mind processed it, and then he realized that he was looking at the Captain. George then said something smart like.
"I iz gon kill you!!
"
The Captain laughed, and then said, "Silly noob. I bet that I could kill you easily with my true sword fighting skills. Even with your golden blade I could kill you!"
"Gahhhh!" George yelled before charging him. The two fought for about seven seconds before George was up against a mast with a sword at his throat.
"Honestly my dear friend," Captain said. "I've fought insects with more skill then you."
"Oi! Are you dissin' my kind chump?"
The Navy Captain was puzzled, then looked right down, at waist level. It was Anton the Ladybug, come to save George!
"Only I can hurt George you Navy scum!" Anton said angrily. The Captain stared for a few seconds, then started laughing.
"A ladybug? A, a, a lady--- AH HAHAHAHA!" The Captain couldn't stop laughing at the little, red spotted insect in front of him. He continued laughing. George watched, unable to do anything.
Anton gritted his teeth (do Ladybugs have teeth?) and then gave the Captain a good hard kick with his superladybug strength, right between the legs.
The laughter stopped, and the Captain gave a little grunt. George looked up into his face, and then heard him say in a dazed voice, "Hoist the colors..." before the Captain's eyes rolled back into his head and he fell over unconscious.
"You saved me n stuff!
" George said happily to Anton.
"Don't get used to it, in fact, if it weren't for---" Anton stopped. Everyone on the ship froze, and it was silent. George looked around. Banana was covering her head, about to be stabbed by a sailor. Britney was hiding in a corner, away from some Navy sailors. Brandy was holding a bottle of rum above his head, ready to smash against a Navy Sailor's head. He quickly brought it down, but nobody paid attention, because the noise was covered up by a sudden growling.All of the sudden, half a dozen or so tentacles came up out of the water, and started attacking the ship.
"ITS THE KRAKEN! GET BACK TO THE BARNACLE BRIG MATES!" Anton yelled.
"Oooh..." Brandy said thoughtfully. "I could use some fried *hic* squid right about *hic* now..."
But he stumbled along, following everyone back to the Barnacle Brig. George quickly grabbed the wheel, and Britney helped to lower the sails. In a few minutes, they were moving away from the Naval vessel.
"Dat squid is a jerk!
" George said. "Why wud he hurt teh navy pplz?"
Britney grabbed Georges shoulder's and started to shake him. "THATS THE KRAKEN YOU IDIOT! IT EATS SHIPS FOR SNACKS! AND I THINK WE'RE NEXT! and eww, I just touched George... I may have to amputate these hands now..."
"George, just get us out of here!" Banana said urgently, but still in that sweet tone she used. They all turned around, but shockingly, there was nothing. The ship was gone, and so was the Kraken.
"Does diz mean dat the Kraken went om nom nom on teh ship?" George asked innocently.
"*hic*Probably son..." Brandy said.
"But then where did he go?" Britney asked to nobody in particular. His question was answered immediately. A huge wave of water splashed over the Barnacle Brig, drenching everyone on board. They turned to the source of the wave after it passed, and staring right at them, was a gaping mouth with hundreds of teeth. Emerging from the water were at least a dozen tentacles.
The Kraken roared loudly.
Banana screamed. Brandy continued to drink as if nothing was happening. After a few seconds, he screamed, the alcohol in his drink slowing down his reactions. Britney cowered behind the single mast of the light sloop, and George held out a quill pen and parchment.
"Can I getz yer autograph?" George asked innocently. Anton slapped the items out of his hand, and George looked down at the ground.
The Kraken roared again, and started swimming closer to the ship. But then, it stopped. It made several motions and noises that sounded like sniffing. Next, it did something that shocked the whole crew. It shuddered, then vomited all over the Barnacle Brig. It made a whimpering noise, and swam back under the waves, leaving the crew staring in shock.
"It puked on us..." Britney said.
"This is gross!" Banana said.
"I knew we *hic* smelled awful!" Brandy said.
George licked the vomit, and then said something smart like, "I likez that slimy squid thingamabobber! We shud play wit him more often!
"
There is your next Chappie Pib! Your turn!