[Mr. Skiperdoo]

I don't know if the title's already taken, but...

*The following is an advertisement for Rum Soaked Sands, a pirate’s favorite vacation spot.*

Rum Soaked Sands, the newest and safest spot for a pirate to really enjoy paradise. Miles away from any known Naval patrol routes, this island sits comfortably positioned in an optimal spot for any pirate in the Caribbean.

Our many activities on the island include, but are not limited to: Sunbathing RSS’s glorious beaches, swimming with the sharks, learning how to properly clean and gut a full grown rock crab, shooting contests, trying your hand at one of our many poker tables, and much more.

Whether you’re getting drunk at our Sober Sailor’s tavern, or out surfing with our trustwor… trained staff, you’ll always have much to enjoy here on RSS. The main place for non-drinking fun here on RSS is the Rum Soaked Sands gift shop, where our prices on fine hats, swords, and other pirate items are priced so low, you’re basically committing piracy by entering!

In the middle of our beautiful island lies the Jungle of Great Peril (renaming considered) hosting an assortment of the finest wildlife in the Caribbean. Due to recent occurrences however, until we completely eradicate the giant beasts coming from the mother’s nest, this area will unfortunately be shut off from all personnel not affiliated with extermination, thank you.

RSS is a medium sized, isolated, and well supplied island. Every week or so, one of our magnificent vessels takes port to unload tons of its lovely cargo, only to return to the main islands shortly after arriving. Also, if you think you’ve had enough here on the island, (which is very unlikely) you can leave along with the ship, but don’t expect to have too many opportunities, since once the ship arrives, it’s leaving once everything’s taken care of. Here on RSS, we try to avoid overcrowding, so it's required that only about 120 pirates be here at any time.

All of our welcomed guests will be allowed to stay at our fine inn. Inside, we have rooms that fits every pirate's needs. Ranging from the Pirate King suite, to the Cozy Cabin, you're sure to find your style of room (prices vary). Each room contains an assortment of stolen paintings, able to brighten up almost any enviroment. Also contained within each of our fine rooms, is what we call the giant hammocks, these large hammocks are sure to provide enough room for comfort, along with the great feeling you get while saying hammock!

Here on RSS, we try to maintain a safe haven for those trying to escape the hectic lifestyle of an everyday pirate. Disguised as an EITC “rehabilitation” center, we’re confident that neither Navy nor EITC will take a second glance at us. After all, we wouldn’t want anybody getting suspicious, so we try to eliminate any Navy or EITC personnel we see on first sight, only to report their ships being sunk in a wildly random location.

But perhaps the greatest part about our little island is not the activities, the stores, or even the people. No, it’s the rum here that makes this the best place for a good ole’ drink. Here on RSS, we have an assorted collection of beverages, such as rum, concentrated rum, watered down rum, rum, smoked rum, spicy rum, and last but not least, rum! Our rum ranges from freshly saturated mixtures, to old, fermented lovely tasting rum. Nobody beats our rum here, after all, our island’s name even has the word rum in the title! Our rum is handled by only the best, after all, the best rum should be in the hands of the best tenders! Our Sober Sailor's tavern is a nice medium sized, perfectly designed tavern, with many different events occuring inside daily. Whether you're playing poker, blackjack, or just having a nice ole fistfight, you're never to be bored here at the Sober Sailor's tavern.

Now all this sounds great, but you may be wondering, “How on earth do I reach this fine island?” Well wonder no more, for our fine ships depart from Tortuga once every week. Just catch a ride, as stowaways are always welcome!

RSS is not responsible for any activity involving the Navy, EITC or any other group interested in shutting down RSS once they find the ghastly truth, RSS is not responsible for any lost items, dignity, or friends you may lose on the voyage in and out. RSS, “a pirate’s favorite vacation spot!”

Well, there's my idea, hope you like it!