WHOA!
Please ignore the fact that I was supposed to write this about a year and a half ago. Excuse me while I put my noob cap back on and try to finish this masterpiece. We're nearing the climax of the story, so there isn't quite as much humor, but read on!
Not so Nooby
If it weren't for the fact that Britney's head was glowing red with anger, it would have been pitch black. He also was thankfully keeping them all warm in the freezing cold of the cave, since he was always steaming with rage.
"WE ARE GOING TO DIE HERE IN HERE!!!!!" Britney screamed.
Brandy sat on the rocky ground and shook his head. "Uhh... how did I get here... what's going on...?"
"Oh God, this can't be," Anton said in shock. "I think that Brandy is sober. He hasn't had anything to drink in ages!"
"Who the Hell is Brandy?" Brandy asked grumpily. "I'm pretty sure that my name is - "
Before he could finish, George knocked him unconscious with a rock. "NO! UR NAME IS BRANDY! GETZ IT? BRANDY!!!111!"
"George, what the devil are you doing!?" Banana yelled.
"Itz okayz Banana! I iz gon save us all!
"
Banana could no longer contain her anger. She stared directly at George, and spoke. "No George! No you won't! I've tried to be patient with you, and I've tried to be encouraging, but no longer! All of this? Us getting stuck here? It's YOUR fault! You're the reason why we're all stuck here, and why we're all about to die! Since you probably didn't understand the first time, I'll say it again. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, AND YOU ARE A MISERABLE FAILURE!"
If it had been Britney or Anton screaming in his face, George probably wouldn't have paid much attention. But this was different. This wasn't an angry British person missing half a leg or a beefed up ladybug. This was Banana, who he had loved and actually regarded as a semi-normal human being.
George's eyes welled with tears, and he soon began bawling like a little kid (which may or may not be appropriate, since nobody really knows how old he is...). He ran off into the dark cave beyond everyone else. The former crew of The Barnacle Brig listened to the sound of his footsteps and sobbing fading away. There was also the sound of him tripping and falling onto his face, but the running away quickly resumed. Eventually, they could no longer hear him.
"Geez Banana, even I think that was a bit harsh..." Britney said, looking at Banana in a more sane than normal fashion.
Banana looked away from the group. "Well, someone needed to say it. And it isn't like it matters anymore. All of us are doomed anyway." Nobody saw, but there was just a tinge of sadness in her expression
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George kept running through the pitch black caverns. He ended up needing to change course once every fifteen seconds or so, since he was constantly smashing into walls and falling over in the darkness. Good thing nobody was there to see him; his face was a lot uglier than before due to all of the scratches and bruises, and the fact that his nose had been broken more times in the last day than anyone should ever have it broken in a lifetime.
At some point, George saw a strange, orange light in the distance. He made his way towards the light, and heard voices chattering as well. He started shivering as well, it had gotten too cold for noobs like him down here.
He turned a corner, and saw the sources of the orange light. In the center of a small cavern was a pair of glowing, orange people. George stared blankly at them, and they turned back to stare at him. Their hollow eyes glowed red with hate.
George stared at them in fear. "OMGz, I iz sory for interrupting your... whateverz yous were doingz!"
The two glowing orange men approached George. They looked like they were covered in glowing, radioactive vomit to George. George wished his vomit could glow like that. That would be epic. He didn't have too much time to daydream about that though. One of the men spoke.
"Who dares enter the caves of El Patron?" he hissed. "Only the dead may enter..."
The other man held up his hand. In a voice that seemed eerily goofy considering his intimidating appearance, he said, "Hey Phil, wait a minute! This guy isn't living! He's dead, just like us! Look at his face! No living guy could pull off something that hideous!"
The other man, Phil, groaned and spoke in a similar voice. "Aww man, but I love scaring the new guys! Why do you always need to be the party pooper Bill?"
George looked at them sadly. "Y u no kill me? I just deserve it anywayz... I iz a terrible person... I always mess everything up..."
Phil n Bill sat down next to George. Phil spoke. "Aww, come now buddy? What happened?"
"I make my crew angry. Now they're all going to die... iz all my fault..."
Bill sighed. "Look man, I'm not a very bright guy - "
Phil interrupted. "Bill, you're glowing pretty bright."
"Shut up you moron. Let me finish!" Phil sighed. "As I said, I'm not too bright, but I know a thing or two about failing. Look, I made a number of failures back when I was living. I failed many people, including myself. It took me decades of reflection after I died and ended up as a ghost like this to figure out what really matters. It isn't what you did. It's what you're going to do. Now kid, I think you have some potential. There are great things ahead of you. What are you going to do about it?"
George looked the strange, glowing man in the eyes. "You... you tinkz dat I haz potential? I... I iz not just......"
George didn't finish. His mind snapped somewhere else. He had never been given a compliment like this before. He had
potential? He could actually amount to something? It was as if by those simple words of encouragement, he had reached a sort of enlightenment. His eyes, normally facing apart, came together to look straight forward. He understood the concept of proper grammar. His posture improved. Something resembling a brain began to form inside of his head.
Needing to do something epic, George stood up and unsheathed the Lost Sword of El Patron. He held it high above his head. Before he could say anything, Phil and Bill gasped in astonishment.
"Well look at that Phil," Bill breathed. "It's the boss's sword! Y'know what that means?!"
"Oh yeah..." Phil said. "He's the boss now."
Suddenly, more of the ghosts (George could actually understand that they were ghosts now) pooled into the cavern from the walls and outside. There was a collective muttering, something about "The boss is back". Before long, there were at least fifty of them gathered in the cavern. After a few moments, they all began bowing to George.
"Your crew awaits your command, Captain," Phil and Bill said at the same time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
Anton, Brandy, Britney, and Banana sat in the cavern silently. Even Britney had shut up. They had found a half-drank bottle of rum on the ground to give to Brandy to keep him quiet.
Anton broke the silence. "Hey... what's that light coming towards us from that tunnel?"
They all sat up and stared. As the orange glow grew nearer, they saw what it was. A group of glowing ghosts marched toward them, armed with an assortment of weapons, from swords to knives to a few portable cannons.
Britney hopped over to them, screaming with glee. "YES! PLEASE! PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY! PLEASE!!!!!!"
The ghosts stopped and stood still, staring straight at the group.
"WELL!?" Britney screamed.
The ghosts uniformly parted down the center, and a figure, one that was not glowing, walked towards the crew of The Barnacle Brig.
Anton hovered in midair, staring in disbelief. "What? It can't be... you look so... non-noobish? George, is that you?"
It was indeed. George stood in front of all the ghosts, looking at his crew, smiling a smile that was by no means noobish, and in perfect English, he replied:
"Indeed it is me. Now, let's go get ourselves a Burrito."
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Again, the story is coming to a climax. I see this being done in two chapters, three at most. There wasn't quite as much humor in this one, so I apologize. I hope that there are still even people who even read this story on these forums. Seeing even one comment would be amazing!
Now if Pib could do his part quicker than I did, that would be incredible! Let's finish this story!